To The Birthday Girl

I remember you every now and then. But this time of the year, I remember you the most. For someone who always remembers dates; whether it is birthdays or anniversaries, how can I ever forget the birthday of one of my favorite people? Happy Birthday! You would have turned 29 this year. And every year I cannot help but wonder how you would have been; where you would have been; how you would have looked like and what you would have been doing if you were here.

I just finished reading this book called “The Lovely Bones”. Although I had somewhat watched the movie way back then, this time I saw the movie in a different light. The circumstances are not the same, of course. But, I couldn’t help but remember you. I couldn’t help but wonder if you are also watching us from above. I cannot help but wonder if you are living some of the greatest moments in life that you missed through my moments or your sister’s just like Susie did in the book. To be honest, you are never too far from my thoughts during the big moments in life. And it hurts me so bad to think that we will never be able to see you achieving those big moments in life. I yearned so hard, wanted so bad for Susie to get some closure in the book; for her family to get closure on the matter but it did not happen. Maybe because for so long, I haven’t gotten mine either.

It has always haunted me that we were talking of meeting up only one month before what happened. Would things have been different if we had met up? Could I have changed what happened? Could I have helped you in anyway? Could I have made you feel better? A countless what ifs, the answers to which I will never get. I wish I were more there for you. I wish I had not let your new life and your new group of friends get in the way of our friendship. More than anything, I wish you were still here.

I miss you more than words than can ever justify.

Love,

The Girl who Tries to Put Her Feelings Into Words

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