Confessions of an Alcoholic

I’m not proud of it; how the first thing I think about in the morning is putting my lips to yours and chugging in to wash away all my feelings. How did I come about to this? Desperate times call for desperate measures, I guess.

Right now, I hold on to a glass of whiskey as I write this. It’s so smooth, it slips through my throat. Like I said, I’m not proud of it. But it is what I am. It’s not like I haven’t tried. But the only thing I can think of is finishing this and moving on to that sweet bottle of Bailey’s that lies in the cupboard. And it’s not even 11 in the morning.

People have been reaching out to me. They tell me I have to move on from you; that I cannot ruin my life like this. It’s not like that, I tell them. I tell them that you have been helping me out. You know how desperate I am, for you, for your sweet bitter aftermath. You know how you are the only one that is holding me together in all of this. They just don’t understand how you are the only one I want right now.

You can talk to me instead, they say. But every time I tried in the past, they were so judgmental. Every conversation ended in "You need help with your drinking". It’s like they are not even listening. But you, you never judge me. You put all my dark thoughts to a corner.

You are the one who stops my imagination running wild. How can I hold on without you? Every time I close my eyes, I can still remember it. I can still feel that bitterness. I can still feel the ache in my heart. It becomes hard to breath……… No, no; there is no way I can do this without you. You are the one who makes me feel better. They will just have to understand. You’re the only one for me.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Will Never Give Up on You

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