To my Childhood Friend

I wish I had a more clear reason of why you did, what you did. I’ve thought about it countless times, but to no avail. I see you in my dreams every now and then, and it feels so real, as if whatever happened had not happened, only to wake up and realize that reality is otherwise. I’m not judging you of course, it might have seemed right to you, at the time. I imagine, you must have been in a lot of pain and frustration to have taken that decision. I can only wish that I should’ve been there for you.

I feel responsible for the slight drift that came between us. And it was; it happened because of me. I still remember our conversations every day after school. You’d call one day and I’d call the next. It’s funny how we used to have so much of things to talk about and laugh at, despite spending majority of time together at school. I’m not sure how it was that we were able to get along so well, because we were worlds apart when it came to nature, but you just really got me. Maybe it’s true what they say and opposites really do attract. I’m sorry I said that one time in grade 3 that I always knew where your house is, even though I wasn’t sure and I only saw from afar where the bus dropped you off. I really made you wait that day, didn’t I? I don’t know why I’m writing all of this down here, I guess because it feels like you’ll really read this someday, even though I know you can’t.

Most of my childhood memories linger of you. And I wish it weren’t only in my memories that you lived. I wish I could pull you out of my dreams and hug you for real. There are a lot of things I wish, sadly that one will never be able to come true.

I miss you so bad.

I hope we are able to meet again.

Love,

The Girl who wishes she could’ve been there more for you

Comments

Rajamati

I think we’ve all heard the song of Rajamati growing up. It is so popular that many people in Nepal claim this is the only Newari song that they have heard. The song was written some 200 years back. The first few lines go like this, which I’m sure you must have heard of, unless you’ve been living under a rock: Rājamati kumati, jike wasā pirati Hāya bābā Rājamati-chā Rājamati mabila dhāsā Kāshi wane tela bubā Hayā biu Rājamati-chā. San dhāsā kuli kuli, mikhā dhāsā bālā bālā Sakumi yā mhyāy machā lā Khwā dhāsā tuyu khwā, khwālay niga tee du Tāhā Nani yā Rājamati-chā. It is said to be written by or rather from the perspective of a man who was infatuated and in awe of the beauty of Rajamati. He describes with great admiration: her hair, her eyes, her complexion and the little moles on her face. However it is unknown who the writer of this beautiful song is. The song rushed into popularity after it was played in England in 1850 when Prime Minister Jung Bahadur Rana vi...

The Leaving vs The Left Behind

I still remember, I was standing near the entrance looking out at the garden. I was at my best friend’s home and she had gone to get her ever famous chips chilly for me. I was to leave for Bangalore again, in a couple of days. While I waited, I looked out at the garden and this thought came into my head. “Who is it harder for? The one leaving or the ones left behind?” Is it going to be harder for me in a new place readjusting and exploring, or my best friend here, who will me miss me? Is it harder for a person to settle in a completely new place with a completely new lifestyle and have to find new people or for a person to see the same old places, the same old alleys and reminiscent the good times they had with their friend who are not around at the moment? It was a random thought that filled my mind a couple of minutes and then I got over it. Some time after resettling here in Bangalore, my best friend sent me a reel. The reel was about 2 close friends who used to lived ...

Most Asked Question

Coming back home after one year has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me the past month. Getting to see everyone again, embracing family and friends, working on an office desk again, walking through same old alleys and of course, devouring delicious food that I so dearly missed. I am actually almost through the food list that I have been saving. But the people have been asking me the same question a lot: do you like it here in Nepal or in Bangalore? And the answer has always been the same for me: I like it wherever I am. Kathmandu is home, it is warm, and it is where family is. Bangalore is a different vibe and freedom and excitement. Kathmandu is a different fun and Bangalore is different fun, which is why I live in the moment and enjoy where I am. My mother always tells me: “ La wani tha nya wani ma” in Nepal Bhasa meaning “ the fish must go where the water goes”. The meaning while very basic is also very deep. If the fish does not flow with the water, it cannot survive. I...

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