To my Childhood Friend

I wish I had a more clear reason of why you did, what you did. I’ve thought about it countless times, but to no avail. I see you in my dreams every now and then, and it feels so real, as if whatever happened had not happened, only to wake up and realize that reality is otherwise. I’m not judging you of course, it might have seemed right to you, at the time. I imagine, you must have been in a lot of pain and frustration to have taken that decision. I can only wish that I should’ve been there for you.

I feel responsible for the slight drift that came between us. And it was; it happened because of me. I still remember our conversations every day after school. You’d call one day and I’d call the next. It’s funny how we used to have so much of things to talk about and laugh at, despite spending majority of time together at school. I’m not sure how it was that we were able to get along so well, because we were worlds apart when it came to nature, but you just really got me. Maybe it’s true what they say and opposites really do attract. I’m sorry I said that one time in grade 3 that I always knew where your house is, even though I wasn’t sure and I only saw from afar where the bus dropped you off. I really made you wait that day, didn’t I? I don’t know why I’m writing all of this down here, I guess because it feels like you’ll really read this someday, even though I know you can’t.

Most of my childhood memories linger of you. And I wish it weren’t only in my memories that you lived. I wish I could pull you out of my dreams and hug you for real. There are a lot of things I wish, sadly that one will never be able to come true.

I miss you so bad.

I hope we are able to meet again.

Love, 

The Girl who wishes she could’ve been there more for you